The Cortisol Diaries

As hopefully most people know by now, I survived the surgery. Huge apologies for my lack of update; I’ve had a pretty erratic few weeks (see next blog). As it’s so late - over seven weeks post surgery -  this is being written with a bit of a blurred memory. Although to be honest, it would be anyway. I think my drug mix would have tamed Hunter S Thompson. By all accounts, the surgery actually went really well. All the doctors involved said once they opened me up it was better than expected, which seems to be a running theme with my treatment. I’m beginning to think that the surgeons play up the risks to protect themselves and so they can then congratulate each other afterwards for doing a fantastic job. Honestly though, they really did do a fantastic job, as you’ll see. My adrenal gland, kidney and gallbladder were removed, as expected, but only around 20% of my liver. My hepatic surgeon was particularly smug about that. They also found out that the tumour wasn’t going across...

A very late change of plans and surgery is now happening tomorrow morning (12th Jan). It was meant to be later in the month, but availability of surgeons has forced the issue. I’ve had a manic week of tests and x-rays to make sure I’m surgery ready and have been on the game! Imagine a mix between Ari Gold in Entourage and the Bradley Cooper on the Superdrug in Limitless. Thursday and Friday were a lot more chilled out. I’ve never had such open surgery before though, so nerves are kicking in now. Chemotherapy is not fun. At times it can be hell. I’ve been lucky mine has been relatively successful, especially considering the shit odds I was given in June and what I’ve read online. I have also been lucky that the side effects haven’t hit me as hard as they could have. Saying that, it’s only recently I’ve realised how unwell I’ve been at times and again appreciate how good my family have been. I’ve helped myself by taking the right drugs (anti-nausea pills, sleeping pills to he...

A really quick run-through of what been going on. It’s so factual that I don’t even know why anyone would be interested but if I’m going to blog, I shouldn’t leave big holes. I had a great few days remaining in London before leaving for Christmas. I’m really exploiting my memberships for museums now. 30 and proud. My appetite was back so I got to enjoy a few Christmas meet ups with mates. My liver surgeon rudely said I should not drink before surgery, but things were so festive it doesn’t really matter, and I’ve had some great nights with friends. As well as nights in recovering, of course, and trying to get Izzy to watch Mad Men as much as possible. I went back to Cardiff to see my mums’ side of the family on the 22 nd and we got our huge family argument out of the way nice and early the next day, leaving the time free for an incredibly great Christmas day and time around it, seeing extended family and Cardiff friends. It was actually less argumentative than normal – mayb...

Quick, informative update as I need to rush to the Tate Modern to try to understand what the hell modern art is all about.  I saw the oncologist yesterday and received scan results from Monday. Miraculously the chemo is still having an effect – the main tumour has shrunk to 9.6cm (at the start it was around 16cm, last report was 12cm). The report only gave me one axis this time which was quite bizarre but there we go. Then lung secondaries still seem to have disappeared, and there is no new growth anywhere else. Dr Ross seems very happy to go ahead with surgery and suggested the start of January. So, no more chemo for now, thank God. Hopefully the fatigue will start to lift. I learned that Dr O’Brien, the heavily recommended kidney surgeon, is on jury service for the first half of January. But I rushed around to get an appointment with him anyway just in case. In his alpha-male-surgeon (picture Tod from scrubs but as an English gentleman) way he completely ruled out the f...

The alleged Jack Kerouac has left me. Put it down to a difference in lifestyle. The only similarities will be the confusing prose and amount of drug consumption. It’s midnight. My computer clock says 05:31 and I don’t know how to change it. I’m desperate for bed. I realise, though, that I haven’t updated for a while, so I want to get this out of the way, so I can get on to more pressing issues like sleeping/watching Mad Men. You may notice there are 3 dates above. This is because I started writing with longer posts in mind before becoming distracted. I figured I’d leave what I’ve written before, to help you understand my brain a bit/confuse you a lot. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in this time that I can’t remember as well. I realise that reading long blogs is boring, and reading old news is a waste of time, so I will keep the newest at the top - short and sweet, as ever ! Part 1 – Cycle 6, Day 8 It’s Day 8 of Cycle 6 and I’m doing surprisingly well. Fatigue has set in...

Good news on the scan. The main tumour has reduced from 14x7 to 12x5 (the 14cm I think is the 15cm from the precious scan but just measured by a different doctor looking at the old scan - loving the precision of the reporting). Lung mets are barely perceptiple now. Hilar nodes have shrunk to a degree where it's within the realms of normality. I don't fully understand this but it's good news. So, in summary, further good response to treatment and no new signs of disease. My oncologist is very happy and says the decision is whether to have surgery now or to have two more rounds of chemo and then surgery. The advantage of more chemo is it should make the surgery easier as it reduces the tumour size and how it impedes on organs. He's leaning towards more chemo but will discuss with the surgeon and let me know (hopefully by Friday if the surgeon is available). Chemo would be in 2 weeks as normal, surgery spuld probably be in 3/4. I said in the last blog post that I...

My mood has been slightly lower the last few weeks, particularly since just before the start of the fourth cycle. I was really dreading it but as I said in the previous post, it went smoother than I thought it would. Fatigue is a real issue now though and I’m constantly tired, even feeling a bit nauseous because of how tired I am. Even when I do all the right things – eating little and often, sleeping a bit earlier, getting out the house every day – I just feel constantly drained. I’ve been very good with my routine but it’s still got to my mood and getting through this second week has been a real struggle. This culminated in a bit of a bit of a breakdown earlier in the week, the first time I’ve properly cried in a while. I think it was just a combination of feeling really rubbish, and thinking of the fact that 6 months ago pre-diagnosis I was living the normal life of someone in their 20's, planning my summer and enjoying myself, to the position I’m in now, and the realisation t...